Holiday Season and Breakdowns

So over the past few weeks I've been having little mini breakdowns, which usually  ends in tears.  I know a lot of it is the Cancer but a lot of it also due to the time of year.  I don't know why, but every year I get really depressed around the beginning of the holidays. This year is no different except I feel that my emotions are on overload. This was supposed to be our year to host the family Christmas but it's become way too obvious that I just cannot physically do it.  And I'm so disappointed about it - I was looking forward to have a "vintage" Christmas, complete with a vintage style dress and the works. We decorate our house with vintage Christmas decorations and trees and I have been looking forward to this since last Christmas. One, to show off our house and two, because it could be my last Christmas or my last time I could hostess it. As it turns out that can't even happen. If I'm up one day up doing something then I end up in bed, sick, unable to eat, with major headaches and whatever else decides to rear it's ugly head for at least 3 or more days. And to make matters worse my weight keeps going up and down and up and down so the Vintage Style dress I ordered for Christmas made me look like a Thanksgiving Day Helium Balloon. Yes, it going back! I think that was the final straw for the camel's back. It made realize I just CAN NOT do this. We're going to call my doctor tomorrow. I was planning on waiting until the 1st of the year to start treating this Cancer but now we're wondering if we should start now, holidays or not. 

I'll probably be "crying" on here more often than not in the next couple months. I've noticed that whenever I call my mom, she ends up crying about my having Cancer, even tho she says she's not. So I am trying so hard to not "cry" on her shoulder. And she has enough on her plate these days because my dad has been really sick and still isn't well.

And Mike just closes up - he does not deal with emotional issues well at all. And all of this leads me to more crying jags because I have all this emotion and pain and no one to talk to. And then the Bitch in me comes out because I just need to get it all off from my chest. I can see this is going to get much worse before it gets better.  I seem to handle it all better when I have someone else's problems to focus on. Not that I'm wishing anyone ill wishes.  So I hope y'all will bear with me thru my trials and tribulations of the upcoming holidays. 

CANCER SUCKS!! 

Remember, If you Don't Suspect It, You Can't Detect It!
Joyce

A New Post - FINALLY!

PLEASE REMEMBER THAT NOVEMBER IS...

CARCINOID CANCER

AWARENESS MONTH

I apologize for the lack of posts during the past couple of months. Living with Cancer changes everything about your life... sleeping, eating, doctor appointments, you name it.  I didn't post in September because I really had nothing new to report. I was STILL trying to get into a good doctor that had knowledge of Carcinoid Cancer plus trying to get my insurance to approve me to see one.  As it finally turned out, with the help of our family friend who is in the Medical Field, we FINALLY got an appointment at Northwestern in Chicago. We had heard so many great things about their Cancer Center, that my husband and I were ecstatic - the drive would only be 2 hours each way so we wouldn't have to find someplace to stay out of state, etc. My doctors here in MI sent all of my records and paperwork to their Cancer Center and that's where it went to hell in a hurry. 

The Cancer Center at Northwestern decided I should see a GI doctor instead (why they still have not explained). When we got there, Dr Chang looked fresh out of Med School, was totally by the book, and when my 15 minutes were up, he was done. He does NOT believe I have Carcinoid Cancer, even tho he admitted he knows nothing about it. His best remark at my appointment was "some people just have things wrong with them that have to learn to live with" and that I have IBS!!! And he got all of this out of talking over my husband and I during that 15 minutes because the Cancer Center had not sent my records over to him and he had NOTHING to go by for his diagnosis! They knew we had to drive 2 hours there and 2 hours back - so either they should have had the Cancer Center fax over my paperwork or rescheduled my appointment until they did have it.  And of course it had to be one of my bad mornings where I was so sick all the way there. But the real kicker was at the end - he sent his nurse in to get releases resigned etc, and when we were walking down the hall, but not out of the patient area, he finally came out of hiding in his office to whine to his nurse about how he just hates these type of cases. REALLY?! Could he have been any more unprofessional?!

And my husband is still trying to find out why the Cancer Center at Northwestern sent me to a GI Doctor at all since my GI Doctor was the one referring me. I should have been sent to either the Cancer Center itself or to an Endocrinologist.at Northwestern. 

So basically besides the horrendous doctor appointment that took us forever to get, the only other news on my Cancer is new symptoms showing up here and there. I am really starting to consider going to a specialist overseas if something isn't done soon. 

I'll update you more in my next post, but right now my pain meds are kicking in so I'll be dozing off soon.

Remember, If you Don't Suspect It, You Can't Detect It!
Joyce